The Journal of an Honest Mom

This morning I was taking our four kids (ages 6, 5, 2, and a newborn) to Bible class.

As we were walking in, I noticed Child 3’s shoe was untied.

Instead of stopping right there, I thought, I’ll tie it when we get closer to his classroom. It’ll be less crowded there.

At least… that was the plan.

In hindsight, I had created an entire agenda in my head without even realizing it.

Get everyone to class.

Make sure they’re settled.

Meet the new teachers.

Remember who goes where.

Don’t lose anybody.

You know… just the usual.

Apparently, my invisible agenda made me look like I was in a hurry.

Before I could get to his classroom, a man I had never met walked over, knelt down, and tied my toddler’s shoe right there in the middle of the hallway.

Now we were stopped in one of the busiest places in the building.

People were walking around us in every direction.

Point A to Point B.

Point B to Point A.

And all I could think was, Can we please move?

I was frustrated.

I was annoyed.

And for what?

An untied shoe?

Come on now.

I kept thinking about why it bothered me so much.

It wasn’t because someone tied my son’s shoe.

It wasn’t because we had to stop in the middle of the hallway.

It wasn’t even because people were walking around us.

It was because, for just a second, I felt incapable.

I hate that feeling.

Not because I can’t do hard things. I can.

I juggle four kids all day long. I know I’m capable.

But in that moment, it felt like everyone else saw a mom who couldn’t even stop long enough to tie her toddler’s shoe.

Were they actually thinking that?

Probably not.

But that’s where my mind went.

Funny how quickly we can decide what everyone else must be thinking.

Looking back, I don’t think that man saw a mom who couldn’t handle her kids.

He probably just saw an untied shoe.

Meanwhile, I had turned it into an entire story.

Sometimes I wonder how many things I get frustrated over aren’t actually the thing I’m frustrated about.

Sometimes it’s an untied shoe.

Sometimes it’s just my own pride getting stepped on.