The Journal of an Honest Mom

“Meanness is a spirit of hostility out of selfishness.”
The more I’ve thought about that, the more I believe it’s true.
Very rarely are we mean because someone else deserves it. More often than not, we’re mean because we’re protecting ourselves, defending our pride, demanding our own way, or trying to make ourselves feel bigger by making someone else feel smaller.
At its root, meanness says, “My feelings matter more than yours. My comfort matters more than your dignity. My desire to be right matters more than loving you well.” That’s selfishness.
As Christians, we’re called to something completely different.
Jesus didn’t just tell us not to hate. He told us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, pray for those who mistreat us, and consider others more important than ourselves. That kind of love cannot coexist with a spirit of hostility.
The scary part is that meanness can become so normalized that we excuse it as “just being honest,” “having a strong personality,” or “telling it like it is.” But truth without love is not Christlike. Conviction without compassion is not Christlike.
We all have moments where we’re impatient, harsh, or unkind. I know I do. But those moments shouldn’t be defended—they should drive us to repentance.
The fruit of the Spirit isn’t hostility. It’s love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
If hostility is growing in me, then I need to ask what part of my heart is still choosing self over Christ.